Monday, September 15, 2008

Silence to Hear

Cannon Beach, Oregon is a place that is silent enough to hear. I wish I could be back there right now, back at this exact spot in the grass/sand by the ocean. It was at this beautiful place that God gave me one of my treasured times of embrace this past summer. I cannot think of anything better than being fully embraced by God with all my senses. In the morning there aren't too many people on the beach, but it wouldn't really matter anyway, because at this spot you're far enough from the shore that you can't hear people. All you hear is the ocean, the birds, and the wind against the grass. It is so beautiful! I love the feel of the cool morning breeze and the smell of the ocean is so refreshing and light. I can quite literally feel God's arms wrap around me as I sit in silence and just soak it all in. There is nothing more peacful than sitting in silence with God. I have needed this so much lately.

Sometimes I just feel like the world is screeming at me! I feel like I'm in the middle of one of those scary carnival scenes in a movie, where a child is lost in a huge crowd and all they hear is loud laughter all around them as they spin in circles crying and no one hears them. It's like being trapped and just wanting to drop to the ground, roll-up in a fetal position and rock back and forth till' it all goes away. I know that I am never trapped or stuck and that God always gives a way out of trials, but I'm just too stubborn to let go and let God do the work. I become a hamster on an exercise wheel instead and run myself to the ground. Its so exhausting and burdensome!

I have so much to be grateful for lately, but its a whole new road for me. I feel like my eyes have been opened to what's around me, but my hands have been tied behind my back. It's good to be reminded that God's in control, but my natural instinct has never been to "be still." When I look all around me, I feel so stuck, but when I realize that I'm in the arms of God, there's no place I'd rather be! I hate that I need constant reminders, but I LOVE knowing that God hasn't given up on me. His grace is SO big! I prayed that my heart would break for what breaks His and how could I have expected anything less than this? My heart is breaking constantly, yet I've never felt so alive. Everything is vanity outside of my relationship with God. How in the world does that ever go to the back burner? I am ashamed, yet restored. God is so good all the time. Good just doesn't always mean happy. I pray that my heart and my mind and my mouth would just be silent, so the Spirit could speak to and through me, because that is all that matters and that is when my joy is made complete. You have captured my heart once again, I love you!

1 comment:

Annie said...

what a beautiful realization.