So I was sittin in church today and thinkin bout how sometimes God teaches me the same truth over and over again, but how each time he takes me deeper and teaches it to me on a different level. Now, this isn't exactly a new discovery : ) I've thought about this a lot lately. It's like I think I've experienced God in the greatest way until the next time around He takes me deeper than I knew existed and I think "Wow! God, what is this?!?! What are you doing? How did I get here? Don't let me leave! Please, Lord don't stop the music!" I think I have a lyrical soul. I don't even exactly know what that means, but God uses music in my life... A LOT! He quiets my mind and my soul with music and speaks to me with this gentle and strong whisper that sort of sweeps me away for a bit.
So, anyway, I've been working on continuing the conversation even when the song does stop. You know, like after church when you're all fired up about something and then the plans for lunch and the rest of the day just drowned out whatever you were thinkin about. I decided the past two weeks to intentionally continue the conversation with God by sharing it with someone right away and the past two weeks it's been one of my high school girls that's been sittin with me in the main service. It was so GREAT! God just danced in our conversation and it was like a little breath of life was brought back to the body of Christ as it was intended! We were talkin about how the same power that raised Christ from the dead is inside each of us, just waiting to be delved into and how we must be fools for not constantly asking God for big things! He is so powerful and He wants to use us and He could be moving mountains through us if we chose to ask for it. I forget how BIG God is sometimes. I forget that as much as He has been moving in my life this past year, I can ALWAYS ask for more!
I was taking communion and thinkin bout how the bread and the juice are symbols of what Christ did for us so that we could live FULLY for Him, not reserved and slow growing. I decided, "this is it! Today Lord, I will take this bread and drink this cup in remembrance of why you did what you did and how that power is ready to be used in and through me to bring You glory through a fuller, purer life!"
The sermon that was going on in the midst of all this was the parable of the sower and seeds and the 4 conditions of the heart (soil). So, I asked God to bring on the pruning! To weed and prune and cleanse my life! To strip from my path anything that would hinder me from FULLY living for Him and anything that is diluting the Holy Spirit's work in my heart. It sounds kinda funny, but I left that building with butterflies in my stomach, because I knew that I had asked God to move and He would. I know that He wants nothing more than to take me so much deeper EVERYday! But... I also know that He most often uses pain to bring me deeper. Which brings me to the next thing.
In my high school life group today we went a little off topic and we were talking about God and his involvement with pain. Does He bring on the pain or does He just use it if it's already there? I, personally believe that He brings on the pain, because I do not believe that pain is evil. Pain is difficult to swallow most of the time, but it can also be so beautiful! There's something about emotional pain in particular that just brings me to such a raw and moldable place in my heart that I can't help but to think that God created it. I have the desire to be desperate and fully reliant upon God, but it just seems to usually be pain that actually gets me there.
Okay, last thought : ) Before getting off topic, we were talking about Colossians 1:15-17 in my high school girls' life group and v. 17 really hit me. "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." We were discussing what it meant for God to be before all things and it wasn't until after second service when I was talking to one of my girls that it really hit me. It doesn't just mean that He existed before all things, but it means that He goes before all things. It means that everyday He is not only 10 steps ahead of us, preparing the way in the hearts of everyone we encounter, but He is also with us as we walk through the path He prepared. So, I pray for God to do BIG things and to bring on the pruning. I believe that pain will come as I walk down a path that has been prepared, with a God that is fully ready to pull me deeper at my rawest, most broken moments into an increasingly more beautiful dance of falling madly in love with my Savior who will always love me more than I can fully experience, but needless to say, it is worth it!